Punk rock dating: deleted sections...

Punk rock dating: deleted and extended sections...

Here are some significant(?!) moments I removed from from the final book, if you like them, feel free to paste them back in (scissors and paste not included)...



Punk rock dating. Chapter 1: I don’t know where to start…

Although I often regard my childhood as the happiest years of my life, I have to say my proudest moment was the day I had been appointed Disco Ambassador to the United Nations by the House of LIBRA... I can still recall my coronation...We were resplendent in our flowing robes and wine.... Foolishly believing that the secrets of "Punk rock dating" were safe forever... but how we were wrong...



Chapter 2: Too low for the Office...

If Clement had been more direct and simply printed the girl's name in the book; the letters M-A-R-I-E in the typeface used for the book (Constantia) would form a mystic sigil so each time someone cracked the novel's spine Marie would swoon...

I ran my fingers up her spine and I read her like Braille.



Chapter 3: The Tropic of Pineapples:

Enter Dr. Coorgan, the man of Psychic medicine: The only other occupant of the Tropic of Pineapples, author of the famous quote:

"Before the advent of electricity, everyday life was art."


Chapter 4: O, Buffalo...:

The songs we used to make out to are now the songs that sell the merchandise we spend our paychecks on. This is unacceptable as both art & pornography! O, Buffalo...I finally say your name not as the prayer I intended but as the curse it has become. There was once a time I was strong enough to run against the Earth's determined spin, but these days I just fight the spins in bed. Hell, I don't even sleep in a bed anymore...Ever since I viewed my own death I've slept in a coffin...stirring my coffee...breaking it in....


Chapter 6: Orion's Future Memoirs....

Initially I found the future fascinating (after all, where else could you download the bangin'-est ringtones like "Bang Da Nutz" by UNCA BILL$ (featuring Cee-note, Dizkonnektion Noti¢e, and Lil' Biggz) . Lo, UNCA BILL$, for what good is a rapper who is not also a poet?).

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In the year 2100, I had seen first-hand,Ol' Scratch himself, aghast at the horrors SCORPIO had created..

I stepped outside. The planet had been stripped of all life, save the devil himself. He despaired at the loss of his kingdom as he sawed away at his fiddle, which cried like an abandoned newborn.

I looked into his sorrowful eyes, cast towards the sky, saying:

"I remember when this world was mine, but the years slipped by and now what have I?"

20 angels came with chains and tied the beast to an iron stake set into the heart of the red light cities/Ghosts of "Coke" signs flashed into the small of the night.

"The night that was once wider when the world was mine," the devil continued...

I grind my false teeth and set the time-slide back to my departure point of 1979 and always looked back...

Punk rock dating chapter 8: Strawberry Forever....

On January 18th 2009, Julie became indirectly responsible for the great catastrophe. Princess Mary had perfectly laid out the day for Julie.

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Julie had forgotten this sensation existed. She was so shaken by the memories that corny old show brought back, she couldn't look away no matter how hard she tried.

Soon it was 9:00 a.m, and she decided she had better get to work. As Julie started her 1991 Yugo GV, some unburned fuel combusted when it reached her car's muffler and caused a very loud backfire. The backfire occurred at 9:03 a.m. , interrupting her neighbors, Jack and Helena Manus mid-coitus. Jack was unable to... er..."Get it back up" and as a result the greatest Janitor of the 21st century, Jerome Harold Manus was never conceived...


Punk rock dating chapter 9: The days of dark poetry….

Jerome Manus, the greatest Janitor who never lived, almost-begat Carl Norman Manus, the last of the white-line truckers.

In a world where Carl Manus existed, he drove into a Love's truck stop on an unusually cold night in Amarillo, Texas. He was filling his rig with diesel and pounding a Big Gulp, when he noticed two werewolves in Scorpio outfits loading a H.O.T bomb from one truck to another.

Carl, hopped up on enough meth amphetamines to take on half of Texas, decided (without the help of an Ouija board) to stop the werewolves single-handedly. With a few powerful blows honed in years of late-night barroom brawls he had stopped the werewolves and turned the H.O.T bomb over to the authorities. As a result, the biggest news story that night wasn't the psychic weapon that had wiped out 3/4th of Planet Earth but "6 Ways to Stop Clutter".

But I don't know why I go on about things that aren't going to happen...

I'm more of a here-and-now guy, although, for me, here and now can span several different centuries and time-streams...

Punk rock dating no. 38: The Temptation of Dorothy...

The abandoned building she approached was once home to WKOR, a long defunct radio station that used to be the cry-in-your-Pabst favorite of the white line trucker set. The theoretical Carl Norman Manus would have loved it.